Media scrapes bottom of ‘cold beans’ barrel, attacking Jeremy Corbyn for cat, bike, noodles

UPDATE 2, 5 July 2016:

To date, the British media has attacked leftist Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn for a series of egregious atrocities, including but not limited to: his consumption of cold beans, his refusal to name his cat, and his (gasp!) bike-riding.

In what is doubtless the biggest scandal yet, the right-wing Daily Mail (formerly of pro-fascist persuasion) has now lambasted Corbyn for — it is shocking just thinking about it — sitting “through Labour meetings silently munching noodles.”

daily mail corbyn noodles

The horror! The horror! How could a noddle-muncher possibly run a country like the UK?

This calls for a coup — precisely the kind of attempted Blairite coup that just so happens to be going on within the Labour Party at the moment.

UPDATE 1, 17 January 2016:

The right-wing media is desperate to attack Jeremy Corbyn, the new leftist leader of the Labour Party. But there is very little actual dirt on him, so it must resort to bizarre antics.

All of its “criticisms” are apolitical and personal, naturally. First it attacked Corbyn for eating cold beans and being too dedicated to politics (see below); now it is attacking him for not naming his cat. Really.

Britain’s right-wing tabloid drivel has become a spoof of itself.

ORIGINAL, 18 August 2015:

Right-wing British tabloid the Daily Mail may have the dubious distinction of publishing one of the most bizarre hit pieces ever composed.

I have written before about the Daily Mail’s strange and reactionary antics. From its overtly racist anti-refugee articles to its whitewashing of Blackwater mercenaries who massacred Iraqi civilians to, most egregious of all, its support of the Nazis and Fascists in WWII, the Daily Mail, the UK’s second best-selling daily newspaper, is by no means a beacon of journalistic integrity. Far from it.

But rarely in recent history have publications gone to such lengths to smear a popular politician. The Daily Mail article “Take me out? No, Jeremy liked a night in eating cold beans with his cat called Harold Wilson, Corbyn’s first wife reveals” feels like it was lifted out of the US in the 1890s, the yellow journalism-dominated days of yore.

daily meal corbyn beans

Corbyn’s first wife, Jane Chapman, told the Daily Mail their relationship lacked a romantic spark, as Corbyn was a political junkie and workaholic. She said he spent most of his time working at the office or attending political meetings.

Chapman also recalled that Corbyn, a strict vegetarian, “didn’t mind what the food was because he couldn’t be bothered to give it the time. So he would just grab a can of beans and eat it straight from the can.”

The horror! Beans straight from the can! The horror! Political dedication!

Jeremy Corbyn, a self-described democratic socialist from the left-wing of the UK’s moribund Labour Party, has abruptly risen to prominence in British politics. His firm opposition to austerity and war and his steadfast support for social services such as healthcare, welfare, and free higher education have inspired Britons in ways other politicians can only dream of. Like self-described democratic socialist Bernie Sanders in the US, Corbyn has, within the span of mere months, drawn enormous crowds.

Corbyn is already the most popular candidate among voters from all major parties, and polls indicate Jeremy Corbyn may very well be the next elected leader of the Labour Party, which could potentially put him on the path toward prime minister.

The right-wing media, awestruck at the sudden rise of the leftist parliamentarian, has fallen over itself in increasingly desperate attempts to find mud with which to sling at and dirt with which to bludgeon Corbyn’s burgeoning popularity. It has ludicrously smeared Corbyn as “anti-Semitic,” as a “useful idiot” of Putin, and more. Highlighting Corbyn’s appetite for cold beans and infrequent dates with his wife is just yet another eleventh-hour hatchet job on the favored leftist politician.

You know journalism has plummeted to truly hellacious depths when it is literally indistinguishable from satire published by comedy outlet the Onion. This is precisely how low the Daily Mail and its ilk have stooped.