Paris Hilton: New Jeans “DEFENETLY Worth Deth of 300 Pakistans”

N.B. This article is satire.

(16 September 2012)

On Sept. 12, more than 300 Pakistani workers died in a fire in a garment factory. The factory had no fire exits, and many of the doors were locked.

More importantly, however, Paris Hilton has come out with an official statement on the incident. Writing on her blog last night, Hilton stated, “i dont care like wut hapened 2 those like uh brown stan people things! i just wanted my new jeans ya no?”

When asked whether the jeans were worth the cost of the human sacrifice, Hilton responded “wut? are u like uh kiding me rite now? OF CORSE it was worth it i fuckin got new jeans dumazz! DEFENETLY worth deth of 300 pakistans!!!”

The Colonel journalist then gave up work on the rest of his article, as any miniscule tinge of hope he had left (spoiler alert: much less than Hilton’s ACT score) for the West was too cindered in a violent conflagration.”


Originally published in The Colonel on 17 September 2012.